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Desirable Relationships

What you do most desire in a relationship?

I have discovered along the long, traveled and beaten path that I desire: Continual Growth and Development. Patience and Perseverance. Emotional Adaptability.

As an explorer in the realm of emotions and interpersonal communication, I trust and believe that I will learn a lot about what makes a relationship good or bad.

My thoughts on love and love relationships…amongst physical attraction, and common interests, the notions of reciprocity and being able to be present, creatively conscious and mutually responsive in a relationship are no doubt a few fundamental keys to a successful relationship.

I am continually learning that the true test of a happy relationship is whether myself and the other person can steer the right course between evolution and stability, avoiding the reefs on both sides.



Fanning Old Flames…

So…I don’t know why it is, however in the past couple of years I have experienced flames coming out of the wood work. What is this, why is this? Is this the universe testing me?

Old flames can be among the best friends you have. I have two in my life that are now like family and best friends. Although it is clear that we do not work on a romantic level, the fundamental understanding of friendship, surrendering our ego and having compassion remains as the foundation to a long-lasting friendship. It’s fantastic when we can truly be ourselves, let down our guard without the feeling of being judged and just having the space to be.

It’s important to ask if whether you were friends as much as you were lovers, and, very importantly, where there was a respectable gap between breaking up and making contact again. Even in the context of them contacting you have you truly giving yourself the time to heal and truly forgive the other person. I don’t believe in forgetting because that is just plain naive. But forgiving is key.

If the person left you, or was abusive (physically or emotionally manipulative), or it ended badly, don’t even consider trying to get the relationship back in any form. Sometimes you may feel desperate to keep some kind of contact, and even become quite obsessive about that person. In that situation, you have to protect yourself, by truly letting them go. Don’t fall into the dark rabbit hole! Trust me I have been there once and twice over. Better to cut ties when your gut is telling you, ‘no!’

The feeling of ‘love’ you may think you feel for your ex is actually the urge to get back what you once had, when things were good. I just got and email from an ex last week and it had brought up so many painful memories and I could see through the charming words to gain my attention. It was a good reality check…My ego was glad to hear the tone of validation and veneration though it quickly shifted to a another space…I felt a sinking in my heart and felt a tremendous amount of sadness and yet a deep love for myself. Through the three years of ebbing back and forth of healing myself and experiencing other unfulfilling, emotionally manipulative relationship, I discovered that there was this ironic rebound effect  (Wegner, Schneider, Carter, and White,1987) that was nipping at my heels. I was not fully embracing the healing and letting go aspect of it all. I was suppressing and not fully expressing what was going on. I was scared, ashamed and most of all my ego did not want to see that I was the common denominator. I was allowing this to happen to me. I wasn’t going to be the victim or have someone tell me that it’s all just my story. That’s not compassion, that is not love, that is not holding space for myself or for the other person.

It had been three years since I have been in contact with this person…the email read:

“There’s an unspoken presence that about you that illuminates peoples hearts. That’s why people like to be around you. When you walk into a room you create a sense of calm just with your being. How can one not be intrigued by angelic posture? You are a born soilder of the Light. The world is changing fast and none of us can afford to fall back to old habits. You are a born leader, I think we both are. I don’t want to make exceptions but it seems we both are coming into our power. Again you are an angel and I’m happy you for you. It’s your dharma to help people, no doubt about it.  Stay light don’t allow the illusory world to weight you down. Remember who you are every day. I know you are a powerful extraordinary person.”

I have had some crazy relationships I must admit. Without them, it would not have given me the strength, wisdom, love and courage I have for myself today.

Choose wisely and live in your own loving truth of what is
good for you.

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